a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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