She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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