She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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