dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
