Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
