Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize