Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
