I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
