Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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