moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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