Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
