I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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