Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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