pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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