i don't like sucking hair
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
