I'm really into asian looking animals
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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