i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
