she smelled like a LAN party
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
