i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He better not be in your backpack
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
