are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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