Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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