I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
