Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize