Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
