I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
