I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
