Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
