i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
