and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
