so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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