Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
