how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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