I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
