I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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