it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
