cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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