Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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