I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
