Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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