i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
