apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
did i just pee glitter
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