Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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