I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I love black thongs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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