And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
being pregnant is like rehab
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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