dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
