today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
