Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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