My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
