i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
