Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
