That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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