Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
