i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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