My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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