idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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