So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
