If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
