did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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