theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
