I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Green mimosas i think yes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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