I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
