i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
