one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
