Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
